The Quest Status The Events The Hoeser Cup

 

Coming Attractions

The HGP?

The Quest

The Quest FAQs

The Quest Status

The Events

The Hoeser Cup

 

The Quest FAQs

Q: What do I tell my wife when she asks “Just what the hell are you thinking?” Because she will.
A: Tell her it isn’t a choice, it’s a mandate bestowed upon us by our Spaghedeity. Then ask her “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” That flash of genius should blind her just long enough for you to toss out “Isn’t it about time you had a new wardrobe?” The FSM never said this was going to be cheap.

Q: What are the courses? Are they at least grouped closely?
A: Ha. Good one. You can find the courses here. However, do not mistake this for a pleasure trip. You’ll have to stock up on intestinal fortitude, high fiber, good scotch, Advil, talcum powder, clean underwear, true grit (taking care to keep it out of the clean underwear), verve, Airborne, and band aids. Lots and lots of band aids.

Q: How many times will Ari have rebuilt his swing by the time we have accomplished our objective?
A: That’s a tough one. Ari usually rebuilds his swing twice a year plus once during the trip (except when heat stroke forces an alternative swing strategy).

We generally play 9ish courses per HGP. I figure we can probably only knock off 6 on average each year. We’ve already hit 14. That leaves us with just over 14 years. However, every fifth year we run to the Holy Land. So that probably means with some rough calculations, hmmmm, carry the 3, leap year, heat stroke opportunities, a couple more just because… Got it. I think Ari will have rebuilt his swing 25 to 30 times. Our goal should be to have this thing wrapped up by 2025.

Q: What if I already played a course on the list outside the HGP. Can we count that?
A: A wise man once said “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions.”

Q: In the end, how much do you think this campaign will cost?
A: Trust me, I know all of you and no progeny carrying your genes will be getting into the city of Boston, let alone Harvard. And you didn’t really want to stop working until you were 87 anyway, so stop whining.

Q: How will this change our normal format?
A: Finally, a good question. Our trips will be geared towards maximizing the Counting of the Crusade of the Courses. Our mindset will change from “playing the best courses in a fairly close radius” to “why couldn’t they have built Myrtle next to Kohler and Monterrey”. If we have to decide between a good course 15 minutes away or a course on The List 2 hours away you can count on the latter.

This will require extreme creativity. There are courses in states you didn’t even know existed. To wit, how in the hell do you think we’ll pick up the two North Dakota courses? Think planes, trains, and automobiles. Think sleeper busses. If anyone has the inclination or the wherewithal to assemble a teleporter, now would be a good time to start.

We will probably start considering multiple shorter trips in the same year to pick off some of the more remote destinations (16 states have only 1 or 2 courses). That said, there will be several opportunities for minimal travel. North and South Carolina together boast 16 courses. We’ll try to spread heavy travel trips between target-rich environments.

Q: What if I miss a trip? Can I get a makeup test?
A: Are you fucking serious? Seriously. Are you?

Q: What about courses that get swapped out and new ones that show up?
A: Ah. This one has been a conundrum. I received little guidance from His Royal Carbohydrate on the topic. On the one hand, it would be convenient to have a fixed list to track our Divine Progress. However, if some course falls from grace before we get our chance to tear it up, I don’t think the FSM will be overly impressed with our hacking it out on some goat track just to mark it as done.

Another thought is that we play 100 courses that were in the Top 100 at the time we played it. Nice thought, but makes for very difficult planning, especially if a course is added to a region that we completely blanketed and have no plans to return.

From this, for the time being we will establish the list from 2007-08 as The Baseline Year of Our Crusade. Until we understand the volatility of the course changes, we will measure our Advancement to Celestial Bliss following the static list.